Get me outta here!

Friday, 6 May 2016

The One With Mr. Needy

This poor, much-neglected blog had been needing attention for a while now. While I’d love to blame it on a writer’s block that has been stifling my creativity, the sad truth is that I’ve just been equal parts busy with other things and too lazy to get down to writing.

Anyway, here’s a story that happened a few years back. I’m gonna call this guy Mr. Needy.

My parents are contacted by this guy’s folks, who all live in Mumbai. The profile looks good on paper, good family, guy working in an MNC, nice looking etc. I usually insist on a couple of emails or chat first, before moving on to phone calls, but this guy’s mom insists on phone calls only. It seems this guy is not much of an email person. Weird.

Day 1:

My parents pass on my number, and this guy calls me during work hours. I take a break and speak to him for about 15 minutes. It's a good talk, we seem to hit it off well. We both talk about how awkward this is, about work, the usual small talk. We agree to talk again the next day.

Day 2:

He calls me at around 11 am. We speak for a couple of minutes, and then he has to hang up as some work thing comes up on his end. A few hours later, I am in a meeting and my phone vibrates. It’s him. I am presenting something right then, so I cut the call and resumed my presentation. He calls again. I cut it again. And then a third time. So I just put the phone on silent and put it face down on the table, and continue my meeting.

After the meeting, I have three missed calls and a text, “Why are you not answering?”
I text back, “Was in a meeting”
He says, "I was wondering. Anyway, you could have texted me."
I am annoyed and starving, I just say, “Going for lunch, talk to you later.”

A few hours later, he calls again. This time I talk for a bit, but it is a busy day at work so I hang up quickly.

He messages me at 2 am that night, “Are you asleep”?
Of course I am. I don't even see the message till next morning.

Day 3:

He calls again when I am in office. We speak for about half an hour. He tells me he had never had a girlfriend, but he does drink occasionally. He is okay with any confessions I make. Not a bad conversation, but feels kinda draggy. The guy is definitely over-enthusiastic.

This is a very long day for me, and by the time I leave work it is 9 pm. It’ll be 10.30 by the time I get home. He wants to talk, but I am exhausted. I tell him we will connect later.

I get home, have dinner, and get ready to hit the bed. I get a message, “What are you doing?”
Me: Hitting the bed. Long day.
Him: Can we talk?
Me: I’m sorry but I’m really tired. Let’s connect tomorrow.
Him: Okay.
Fifteen minutes later, my phone rings. Of course it’s him. I answer. He’s like, "How are you feeling?"
Me: I’m tired. Can we talk tomorrow?
Him: Of course. I just wanted to talk to you once. I wanted to hear your voice and make sure you didn’t forget mine.
Me: Huh?
Him: It’s been a while since we spoke.
Me: We spoke today. In the morning.
Him: Okay, I think you are tired.
Me: That’s what I’ve been telling you all this while. I’m sorry but I’m going to bed.
And I hang up.

Day 4:

He calls in the evening.
Him: You hurt me yesterday when you didn’t want to talk. I was waiting to talk to you.
Me: See I need some space. I told you I had a long day. You were being too pushy. I expect you to understand if I need some time out.
Him: Still, you could have talked just for some time. I have an urgent problem that I really wanted to talk to you about and you were just not listening.
Me: That’s not what you said yesterday.
Him: You said you were tired so I didn’t tell you.
Me: Okay, what’s the problem?
Him: I’m wondering if I should continue in the same line of work or should I look for another job in a different domain?
Me: I’ve known you for like 3 days. I’m not even sure what you do. I don’t think I can advise you on this. Won’t your family/friends know better?
Him: My friends know me too well, but I want an objective opinion. Since you don’t know me at all you will give me an unbiased opinion.
Me: I think it’s important to know you some to advise you about this. Why don’t you give me some background on what you do, why you want to change?
Him: Just for a change. There’s nothing much to tell as such.
Me: You really think this is an urgent problem and I’m the right person to advise you on this?
Him: I only wanted your ideas on this. Anyway, how was your day?
We speak for a bit, but I am pretty annoyed with this conversation. To me it seems like he made up this story just to cover up for his “don’t forget my voice” gaffe.

Day 5:

By now our conversations are no longer about getting to know each other, it is more of an awkward attempt to understand what the hell is going on in the other person’s head. Clearly, he's expecting a certain level of petty attention and mushiness that I am not capable of. And I am expecting more space and time, which doesn't seem to be his cup of tea.

Him: I’m upset today. Mom’s not talking to me. I was out with some friends last night and had a few drinks. She doesn’t like that and now she is not talking.
Me: Don’t tell her you had alcohol. Or tell her you’re an adult and can handle yourself.
Him: She should understand all this. I can’t behave like she wants me to behave. I have my own life to life.
Me: Hmm.
Him: I really wanted to talk to you about this. I’ve been upset all day. I didn’t talk to her at lunch also.
Me: Uh….okay.
Him: Now she's also not talking to me and sulking. It's very irritating. I need independence.
Me: Why don't you talk to her. 
Him: No. It'll be okay in some time. 
Him: I was supposed to come to your city sometime next month for a project. I’ll prepone it and come next week. I want to meet you.
Me: I’m not sure. Don’t plan just for this yet. Next month sounds better, we will have some time to just get to know each other.
Him: We can do that in person. I really like you.
Me: I really need more time. I think next month makes more sense, we’ve been talking for hardly 4 days now.
Him: See I need to see the person I’m talking to. I can’t get the right feel on the phone. I need to be able to touch the person.
Me: What??
Him: No not touch like that. I didn’t mean that. Like I want to just meet you and see you.
Me: Okay look, I need more time. It seems to me like there’s a lot of difference in how you and I handle things. I don’t like to be rushed. And frankly, you're being a bit pushy.
Him: Yes but I want to know you. You need to know me. There is so much to talk.
Me: And that can’t happen on the phone? I’m just asking you to put your trip off for a bit. Let's take it slow.
Him: Sorry, I can’t carry on like this. It won't work for me.
Me: I think we have reached an impasse. It’s probably better that we end this here and part cordially.
Him: Yeah. It was nice knowing you. Bye.

Day 6:

Nothing.

Day 7:

I get a text from him, "I think we should give it another try. I think we are well suited for each other. Can I call you?"
Me: I don’t think so, I think we made the right decision.
Him: Are you sure? I think I deserve another chance.
Him: How was your day? I had a very bad day. I have some major problems coming up at work.
Me: I hope you figure them out. But I don’t think I want to take this forward.
Him: Okay

Day 8:

He calls me in the evening. Same stuff on the phone. I give the same responses. And hang up politely.
Then he calls me again. I don’t answer. He calls me three more times. I’m distinctly uncomfortable now.

Day 9:

Three more missed calls.

I finally message him, "I’ve told my parents that this is not working out, and they will communicate the same to his parents. Please stop calling me. It’ll be awkward for my parents to tell your parents to ask you to stop calling."

That finally did it. I haven't heard back form him again. Can't say I have any regrets. 

18 comments:

  1. Ah... i am glad about that... You wouldn't be TTS if that had worked out.

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  2. Seriously??!! My god, some people can be so pushy!

    Shubhangi @ The Little Princess

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  3. I actually felt suffocated just reading this... good call on your part!

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  4. I assume this is a real conversation and not a fiction. This guy is a control freak. Please stay away from him. You did the right thing. Wish you all the best.

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  5. Please stop calling me. It’ll be awkward for my parents to tell your parents to ask you to stop calling."

    hahaha imagined poor guys's face :p :p

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  6. Bwahahahaha. Poor boy, you just made his day worse! :D

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  7. Oh good lord... Good riddance TTS! I can so understand that space part..if you are not allowed to have time for yourself in a relationship...it's not worth it!

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  8. God! some people are so pushy. Better to stay away from such people. Good you finally got rid of him. Good to see you back TTS.

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  9. Woo, you're back! Nice that you have started blogging again. Do let us in on your life. I sense that you are dating someone. If so, any intro on him, maybe? :) As for me, I despise the "meet and greet" of guys as well. But my family is putting pressure on me since all my cousins are now married and I am the only one left (I am an only child). I am like you too, I need a lot of space and prefer being left alone and independent. But indian guys tend to be needy. I guess I have high expectations as well. Sometimes, I just rather be a single woman with my pet cats. -Nivedha-

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    Replies
    1. Hey Nivedha!
      It is a tough phase, no doubt. But just keep in mind that you are the one who will have to live with the decision of getting married to someone (or staying single). Do what feels right to you. Being single with pet cats is just fine, it's working well for me. Now you have made me curious, how many cats do you have? :)
      About my life, maybe in a future post ;)

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    2. I agree with you, it's a decision that I will have to live with forever. As for my pets, they are actually strays but I feed them regularly and play with them as well (my parents do not allow them indoors). There are a total of 4 cats (2 moms and their 2 kittens). I am planning to sterilize all of them by this month. -Nivedha-

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  10. Haha!! What a jerk he turned out to be. Crazy fella. My friend's sister went through a similar experience.

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  11. Haha.. It was fun to read.The conversations look so real and the guy is so creepy!! :P

    Cheers
    Geets

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  12. Phew! That'll put an end to his calls.
    So glad she was firm & conveyed the message that she doesn't need Mr.Needy :)

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  13. Whew! I'd say that was a good escape.

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  14. Hahaha.. HAHHAHAHAAHAHAHA! I'm sorry, but I felt SO sorry for you while reading that. I hope you never have to go through that again!

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  15. Whoaaa !!! Some people are so unpredictable n clingy !

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So....what d'ya think?