Get me outta here!

Monday, 5 January 2015

The One with Mama's Boy

After a looooong line of complete morons, this one guy came along. An agreeable sort of a guy. Actually - a nice, sweet, genuine guy. And also very paavam (bechara in Tamil), seedha saadha.

We started off with emails and chat. It was quite nice talking to him, if a bit dull and unexciting. But given the kind of experiences I’d had so far, it was clear that this guy was not a weirdo. And that in itself merited serious attention - any semblance of normalcy was f*****g delightful. Exciting, appealing, infatuating – all those had become the stuff of fantasy and imagination. Or hallucination.

This guy was all talkative and chatty and eager. A little too enthusiastic actually. We didn’t have too much in common, he was more goody two shoes, and I was, well, me. Still, it was refreshing talking to someone who was honest, considerate and nice. By god, he was even sensible. So the conversations continued.

We quickly established that he didn’t drink (tired one time apparently), didn’t smoke. He was very chilled out about the fact that I do drink and have tried smoking in the past. And of course, he’d never had a girlfriend. Zero experience with girls, didn’t even talk much to them. And I, of course, had a past. To his credit, he was pretty okay with that too, quite accepting of all that.

So despite finding him a bit boring, not having any chemistry with him and not being attracted to him, I continued. I figured all his other qualities must count for something, might as well keep going. Lotsa people get married for “nice”. He was all in, I could tell he quite liked me. The conversations went on about likes and dislikes and interests and life histories. Inconsequential facts were exchanged, as were some relevant ones (not including birth dates – this is important later).

In a matter of a week, we had communicated quite a bit online and by text, but hadn't spoken on the phone yet, though we had each other’s numbers. One day, he kept dropping these hints that we’ll anyway talk on the phone today. I was clueless, and I wondered if this is his way of saying we should take this forward to the next step and start actually talking.

Him: Did you see my Facebook profile?
Me: I went through it when I accepted your request.
Him: So you didn't notice anything?
Me: No, is there something I should be noticing?
Him: No just like that.

A while later,

Him: Did you make sense of my SMSes yesterday?
Me: Which one?
Him: I was actually hinting at something when I said, you’ll probably call today if you sort something out....
Me: Sorry?
Him: There was a SMS I had sent you…though I presumed it didn't make too much sense without context...guess I’m being too cryptic.
Me: Well I don’t have that SMS anymore…so I’m not sure what you’re talking about.
Him: Forget it....

And finally,

Him: I've been trying to hint at something...guess I’ll give up!!! Why do you think my id is niceguy184?
Me (realizing it was 18th April): Oh…is it your birthday today?
Him: YUP!!! Now, does it all add up?
Me: Yeeeeaaaah….but next time just say it? Happy birthday!
Him: Thanks :)
Me: So what plans today?
Him: Taking colleagues out for lunch, flatmate for dinner.
Me: Great. Have fun.
Him: God save my friends who forget to wish me!!! Even if they are out of the country, in full day meetings, not wishing is an inexcusable offense! And of course, it works both ways :) I generally wish people at midnight.
Me: I'm kinda bad at remembering birthdays. And I don’t like to make a big fuss about my birthday either. I sometimes put a reminder on my phone for close friends, and now Facebook kindly sends me a mail every Monday.
Him: Which is why I was reminding you to check Facebook!!!
Me: Talk about beating around the bush!
Him: Well think about it, sounds odd telling somebody, "It’s my birthday, please wish me". So lame. Btw, more than 40 people called me today. Except you. But it’s okay if you don’t want to call.
Me: Erm…it’s not a big deal. I’ll call you.

I did, and wished him a happy day. And he sounded super excited about his birthday. Went all “Omg! Omg! You’re calling! Wow this is such a great surprise. I can't believe you called”. And I was like, yeah…I’m regretting it already. Was tempted to ask if there were pink balloons and a Barbie cake as well. Sigh.

Anyway, since I had started off the phone calls, we spoke a couple of times after that. The second conversation happened when he had gone out of town, visiting his parents. He told me his mom demanded an update about me, how we’re getting along. He’d told her he quite liked me and she started grilling him about me.

Him: I told her you don’t cook. She’s quite okay with it.
Me: Okay.
Him: My mom is cool like that. She’s also fine with you drinking.
Me: What?? Why would you tell her that I drink?
Him: Why not?
Me: I don’t know her, that’s why not. When I tell you something, it’s for you to know. Not go around telling everyone. Especially not your mom.
Him: Come on, I’m close to my mom. And she thinks I drink too, so it’s okay. The only thing she was not okay about was when I told her you had a boyfriend when you were in B-school.
Me: WHAT?? You. Told. Your. Mom. About. My. Ex?
Him: Yeah, don’t worry she’ll be okay about it after some time.
Me: Well I’m not OK about it. MY parents don’t know about that.
Him: Oh sorry, you should have told me that. I didn’t know it was a secret.
Me: When I tell you something personal about me, I expect you to keep it to yourself.
Him: Come on, I tell my mom everything.
Me: Everything?
Him: Yeah, almost. You don’t?
Me: Of course not!
Him: Who do you confide in?
Me: Friends!!
Him: Well, you should have told me. Then I would have kept it to myself!
Me: I didn't think I needed any disclaimers here considering the purpose for which we’re in touch. This is between me and you, and when I tell you something I shouldn't have to think twice. I guess I was wrong.
Him: Not really, but you should have told me. That I shouldn't tell my mom.

Oh gosh. I was quite pissed off at this whole thing and hung up, saying let’s just talk later. And then came the drama queen phase.

Couple of hours later he texts, something about I shouldn't be so angry and he made a mistake and it won’t happen again. I was all like, dude just gimme some space. We’ll talk about this tomorrow

He pinged me on chat the next day, and about 10 seconds later someone at work came to my desk and I couldn't respond to him. And I had to get into a meeting so I responded saying I’ll connect later. He then sent me a sarcastic text, about how I’m not empathetic enough to understand him and he felt really bad that I logged off as soon as he came online. I connected with him a while later, and things just stopped making sense altogether.

Him: Put yourself in my shoes for a minute…I get online and you don’t respond and then you log off.
Me: I was at work and was not able to talk just then. I’m online now talking to you, aren't I??
Him: Yeah, but I just messaged I was online and then you logged off. Just reverse the roles for a minute and see how that feels. 
Me: Look....
Him: I just feel very hurt, it might not be a big deal to you, but you just logged off and it it hurt me feelings. 

Sheesh….what a chick. Dude, seriously, grow a pair!

Me: Look, we seem to be very different people…I’m not sure if that’ll work.
Him: Is that necessarily bad? See, the fact that you are different is one of the first reasons I liked you. It means I won’t compete with you.


Him: In most circles - professional or with friends, I, being the extrovert/entertainer, am generally at the center or thick of things. It’s easier to be friends with people who are not trying to do the same. It’s a natural thing...not a planned response. And people who are similar often get threatened. Only the very mature people remain friends - most become rivals.

Aaaaand there it was…I no longer had to keep pushing and pulling this along!

Me: I’m thoroughly lost here. What you just said doesn't resonate with me, but I do think we're not very compatible. And I know that I shouldn't have told you the things I did.
Him: We agree on something now.
Me: So…I should not have told you what I felt like telling you? What I wanted to talk to you about?
Him: Yeah…see I usually tell my mom everything, I’m very close to her.
Me: Ohkaay. You’re a really nice guy, but I think we have different mind sets, and neither is wrong. 

There was a lot more back and forth, and I just got very tired and annoyed with the pointless talk. Told him again he’s a nice guy, but this won’t work.

He eventually quipped; you know what they say about nice guys....they always finish last. Didn't have the heart to tell him my version - You know what they say about nice guys....they’re not my type.

PS: To his credit, he did message and wish me on my birthday, which was a couple of months after this. 


  1. Ouch. He reminded me of an ex, especially they whole "I feel so hurt, put yourself in my shoes" bit. Only in my case he was referring to the times I had admitted to have attended B-school parties where I danced with classmates - guys, and I was expected to put myself in his shoes, those of a guy who had a girlfriend with zero morals. Sigh. No I didn't dump him. Atleast for a while.
    But man, these guys are awesome fodder for the blog! Welcome back!

  2. There are some advantages with momma's boys. I am sure you know, but still...

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. This is one awesome blog. Please post more

    1. Thank you :) Will try my best to post regularly from now!

  5. HAHAHA :) And they say women are needy and overly attached. You don't need this much "niceness" in your life, I'm telling you.

    And don't ever settle.

    I know you think it is easy for me to say but if you settle, things will sour some day.

  6. OMG, Can i just say, I love you...!
    Loved this post and the way you have described the jerk!

  7. Woah! If "I put myself in your shoes" :P, the story would have ended halfway through. I know a couple of guys like this. Beating around the bush. Grrrr... pathetic!
    And lovely post. You re a survivor :D

    1. Thank you. I wanted to end it a few times much before this. But that felt like me being too critical. Honest!

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  9. This was a hilarious post, I know it wasn't hilarious to go through this. Arrgh, that guy should be really so irritating then? I had this bad urge to make my mom read this and tell her, see this is why I tell you Nice guys are not the perfect guys :P

    1. Trust me, moms will never understand that. What on earth can be wrong with a nice guy?!

  10. Hahahah :D Nice is boring! And that too a Mama's boy?? Aaarghhhh!!!

    1. Nice is not bad, boring is also workable. Annoying, however, is a problem.

  11. :D Hmmm so what's your motive here lady ? I have a feeling that you go through all this hassle just to burp out a decent blog post. ;) Surely there are loads of smart tall dark (correction: fair and handsome) men out there...

    1. The motive behind this blog is simple Mr. Bond - to have a good laugh. The motive behind going through that process with those guys is more complicated, though I don't mind admitting that witnessing the depths of absurdity men can get down to became a small part of it somewhere along the way! ;)

      As far as men being tall, short, dark, handsome, fair etc. etc. is concerned, that in no way relates to their propensity to be idiots :D

      And lastly, yes, there are smart men, and there are dumb women. Never denied that. :)

  12. I am speechless. Perhaps, the two of you should have met and seen if you were really that incompatible.

    1. Perhaps. But I'd gone so much against my gut with this guy, I didn't really feel the inclination to meet him.

  13. I don't know if you got my earlier comment and it is in moderation or something. But yeah in case you didn't - read all your posts and they are fun read - reminded me of a similar series I used to write 7 years back.

    1. Thank you :)
      I don't think I got an earlier comment from you, I always read them all and publish them all. I'll check out your series now!

  14. What a Drama Queen!! You dealt with him quite patiently :)
    Had a fun time reading :)

  15. I usually don't read long posts and leave it midway as I lose interest BUT you had me hooked on! And what if this guy was close to his mom, it doesn't mean he shares your stuff :-/ Nobody does that!!!
    Weird O_O

    PS- I really like your template :P

    1. I know right! Who tells their mom stuff like that! a 27 year old guy that too!!

  16. Your blog is quite funny !! Idiots are idiots and Indian men are too demanding when it comes to finding a partner and sometimes his mom wants the best girl for her son...just a question, do you look for guys only within your caste or religion? I think that if you dont have such inhibitions you may get to meet guys much more interesting. I married quite late and the biggest mistake I made was looking at the same caste and religion and mother tongue

    1. I'm not very hung up on that stuff, but my parents who do most of the looking out keep to the caste and religion limits. But if I find someone from a different caste they will be fine with it i know, just that they are not proactively looking. Maybe they should, you do have a point.

  17. You should have told him your version! Seriously!

    1. What....and listed to how bad he felt and how hurt he was when I say all that? No thanks!

  18. Oh no!! What a jerk! :)
    The fact you dealt with him for so long shows you have so much patience!! :)
    This was funny! :) Loved it!

    1. Very well written, kudos to you for dealing with a cry baby, I can understand people being cranky just a bit, but then this was too much. the fact that he told him mother about you was actually disgusting, I know people like to share stuff with that one person, but then it is common sense that you do not share stuff about someone you're getting to know.

  19. Oops...good girls always fall for the wrong guy because the good guys are way too good to b taken!

    That someone is still in preparation mode for you ;)

  20. Well I am at loss of an opinion here , but if u feel its not meant then it is pointless to move fwd

    But as i haven't come across such men, I get surprised when ever I hear about the lot :)


So....what d'ya think?